Forum Topic

Jokes to lighten your mood in this gloomy weather

As there is so much gloom and despair around us and in the news, isn't it time to have a laugh and share a joke.A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.  Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".  The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"  The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.  The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."  Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.  A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Asha Smith ● 4735d7 Comments

"...look Sunshine, I am playing all the right notes...(pause)...but not necessarily in the right order."

Gerry Tan ● 4728d

Thanks Asha..had a laugh...innocence of children...

Marie OConnell ● 4729d

    Four candles!

Gerry Tan ● 4729d

I hear him say in an interview that a Jewish dilema was 'Pork chops,Half Price'...

Keith Iddon ● 4735d

That's brilliant Nigel.  Jewish jokes are some of the best.

Gerry Tan ● 4735d

My favourite Hymie joke, courtesy of the wonderful Mr. Winner.Hymie Pockle dies, so Golda phones the local newspaper to have an obituary printed.I want it to say 'Hymie Pockle dead'. The clerk explains that there is a six word minimum.After a moment's thought Golda tells him to print 'Hymie Pockle dead, Volvo for sale.'

Nigel Brooks ● 4735d

Enjoyed those Asha, thanks, I could do with a laugh.Here are a couple of Hymie jokes, thanks to Michael Winner(bless him):-Hymie dies and goes to heaven. GOD greets him on arrival and says,"Why do you look so sad when you should be happy to be here in heaven?"  "Well," responds Hymie,"I have a big regret: my only son turned Christian and I don't know how to deal with it."  "Funnily enough" says GOD, "I had the same problem as you."  "And how did you solve it?" asks Hymie.  "I made a new testament!"Becky goes upstairs one morning to wake Hymie, only to find he has died. She rushes out on the landing, leans over the banisters and calls loudly, "Rosa Rosa, only one egg."PS:  I miss Michael Winner's column in The Sunday Times.

Gerry Tan ● 4735d