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Church Bulletins  They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for  church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: --------------------------The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. --------------------------The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'-------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.--------------------------Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. --------------------------Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.--------------------------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.--------------------------Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.--------------------------Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.--------------------------A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.-------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is  Hell?'  Come early and listen to our choir practice.--------------------------Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.--------------------------Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.    Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.--------------------------The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.--------------------------Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.-------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.--------------------------This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.    Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.--------------------------Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.    All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.--------------------------The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.-------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.    Please use the back door.--------------------------The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.--------------------------Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance. --------------------------The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Graham Weeks ● 6208d

I'm not going soft, but sometimes I like these heartwarming stories, and this one  truly is amazing.In  1986, Dan Harrison was  on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern  University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant  standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan  approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the  elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.  As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his  hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The  elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face,  stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of  nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly,  turned, and walked away. Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of  that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo  with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of  the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were  standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot  off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then  trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the  encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way  into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in  wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs  and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably  wasn't the same elephant.

Graham Weeks ● 6219d